Are we all this boring?

Every night this week I’ve been invited to meet up for drinks. And frankly I was annoyed.  Do I really have no interesting friends?! The only thing to do is sit and drink?! Are we all this boring?!

Ok I realize that’s a little harsh. My friends are actually interesting creative and motivated people.  It just irritates me that whenever I’m not drinking I end up sitting at home alone. Why have we all – as in the larger society – adopted this social rule that fun has to equal activity plus drinks.  For those of us drinkers that drink too much, yet still are not waking up with a shot and boozing all day, these social norms are our worst enemy. 

I do plan on packing my San Pelligrino for the next BBQ invite however I don’t have a tool for meeting one on one with a friend who wants to share a bottle.  Last night a gal friend came over, bottle of red in hand, to join me for dinner.  I was cooking and she walked in saying “I NEED a drink  today!”   We chatted, she drank and I cooked.   She is NOT a problem drinker. In fact she has driven me home on many occasions.  I stated I was having digestive issues so didn’t want to drink. Big Lie.  So she finishes half the bottle leaves it in the counter for me to “enjoy” tomorrow and goes home.   I stared at it thinking a glass and a hot bath before bed sounds nice. But Knowing there’s a huge chance I would just finish it and run to the store around the corner for “just a little night cap” I poured it down the drain.  

I do a lot of one on one activities and so I’m not sure how to handle them.  I e been with a friend that didn’t want to drink when I REALLY wanted a wine night and it was disappointing.  So here I am not drinking and feeling guilt that I’m ruining my friends night!!!  

Any tips or stories of “girls night” with a close friend that you all have would be much appreciated. 

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Sober Paradisio

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I chose those two words as a title, as a calling and as a reminder.  I’ve been there before and just like any vacation to paradise it was brief. In the past 20 years I’ve had many two week visits and twice I stayed for 6 weeks!  So I know that the longer you’re there the more beauty there is to see.

I’ve been “lurking” on these sober blogs on and off for the past two years. Thinking that I could read them often and that would be my support. But time and again I’ve learned that just being a spectator didn’t keep me going. So here I am with my very first post.

In the past when I’ve reached out to friends they tell me “don’t be ridiculous you don’t have a problem”  But folks if finishing off an entire bottle of wine many times a week isn’t a problem then I don’t want to wait until I have one! Or they’ll say “you only drink wine that’s nothing”. Well after my 20s ended any liquor I drank would certainly land me in black out zone so yes I switched to wine.  And a woman drinking white wine always seems “mild”.  Another big sign you have a problem is when you start strategizing as to how it looks.

How it Looks – that’s been on the forefront for the past 3 years. If I were to get drunk at home and no one saw well than its all ok. I’m not going to be found out. These paranoid thoughts of “what would people think” are also the thoughts that creep in when you move to a small town.  I moved from one of the largest cities in the country to a small community to start my business and be in love. (The love part ended but I won’t get into that today). When you have the comfort of anonymity it’s too easy to stumble into a cab or on the train any night/day of the week without a care.  No one knows you. But here people watch – it can feel a tad creepy.

Another kicker is I am in the health industry. So I CAN NOT be seen in public getting sloshed.  Unfortunately I’ve been sighted a handful of times since moving here. I was hoping this added social responsibility would finally push me to walk my own healthy living talk. I eat well, workout daily, don’t smoke, but then harbor this nasty habit of – if I have one glass it will continue until the bottle is empty.

So here I am on Day 1 – again. Day 1 was also about a week ago that lasted 5 days but then I had a celebration dinner which led me to drink every night for the past 4 days.  In fact Day 1 has happened a few times every month since the start of the year.  So let’s try this again shall we.

From my numerous failed attempts, I know I can’t do this alone. So I’m seeking out community from all of you and I will happily support you too. I have a lot of “triggers” on the horizon that I’m worried about. The summer season (nonstop social events season) is nearly here, I leave for a group vacation in 9 days and a lover I once had (who drinks a lot) will be moving back to my little town next month.  And yes I’m still head over heels at the thought of him.  Sigh.   I also can’t live like this anymore.  I have added another job to my overbooked schedule for the summer so if I dont keep it together I will most certainly crash and burn.

So as I sit and stare at the tropical picture posted above I daydream.  That is the place called Sober Paradisio ….where my joy runs deep, compassion is second nature and laughter is as common as speaking. This time Id like to stay for good. Maybe build a house and hang a hammock.   I’m packing for the journey now.